post-ironic quotation marks

Slightly neurotic (but cute!) singleton looking for adventure, finical stability, and some delusion of meaning. With much thought in the topic of sincerity and the occasional film review.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Wolves in the Walls and Squeeky Beds

Right now at the flat there is an almost love triangle.

I say almost because I'm pretty sure that the actual triangle part lasted for only a few hours, and as of last night it is most certainly not a triangle anymore, but a line segment and an unconnected point.

How do I explain this in nice simple, non judgemental terms? The flat's cast of characters have changed to include two French kids, a South African, a Swede, a Lithuanian and an Aussie. Now, I've been hanging out with the Aussie a lot in the past few weeks. Last weekend we ended up going to a movie, and hanging out together on Bank Holiday Monday. Its kind of safe to say that there's a connectiong between us, maybe just friends, maybe something more, but not the sort of thing that I want to fuck up by making assumptions and moving too damn fast (either as a more serious "romantic" relationship, or as a pretty darn good friendship).

Now, for the past week we've had a a guest appearance, a friend from back home. She's been here since Monday night, and has been more or less a wonderful house guest. She also gets along with the Aussie very well. At first I was just thinking, oh this is cool that my guest fits in really well here. Oh, how naive I was, since this girl is not the most subtle in the world when it comes to things like this (she was the one who abandoned me after a movie one night to go home with some kid).

Well, she's also never heard of one of the cardinal rules of being a girl -- you do not go after a boy your friend has already claimed, unless, maybe the boy shows interest in you (and you value the boy more than your friend). And, at least from my perspective, it look like it was she who was doing the persuing more than he. We walked home from a pub, she was hooked onto his arm. Me being me, the spineless wonder decides that fine, the game is up, and proceed to run into the wall of a few buildings because I have no sense of balance at times (oops). The Aussie wraps his other arm around me.

The assymetry continues when later, the aussie and I are on the couch, and my friend is on the bed/sofa next to him. She's holding his hand. I notice this, and notice that his other arm is on the back of the couch. I move away from him, because he's touching the back of my neck and I don't want to presume. But then he definatly makes it clear that that was intentional.

(And I'm just puzzled at wtf is going on).

I leave to go talk to the French boy who was in the kitchen listening to music, because there's only so much of being a third wheel which I can take (or not third wheel, I don't know).

We all decide to go to be. The Aussie's in the bathroom, and she's on the top bunk (where's she's been for most of the week). I stick my head in to see what's going on, and she asks me "are you okay with this" last night. What exactly was I going to say, no, I'm not okay, because I'm not sure what the hell is going on in the first place. In the second place is, it's a little too late to be asking that question now, if I had said yes, I really do mind, would she have cared?

I think I really should look into taking up acting.

Anyway, this morning I couldn't go to yoga because the class was full. I head back, do a ton of cleaning in the flat. She's up already. (I'm more annoyed because I need a break from people. This is the first time I've been by myself for a while.) But she doesn't say anything. Until later at breakfast when I'm tired of not talking, and refuse to ask her what exactly happened, she makes this comment: I hope that your flatmates don't find me too disturbing. The bed squeeks.

Until then, I was going to give them both the benefit of the doubt and just assumed that nothing happened. There was a reason why I didn't ask. I don't want or need that sort of information. But now, for me its incredibly awkward. This is my flat, this is my friend. How dare you come in and mess up the status quo!

I'm trying to justify everything in my head in her favour (including the lame excuse that I'm tall, blonde, and classically pretty, while she's not, and that it's good for her to "win" sometimes, except that it's a lame excuse, she's not a charity case), but it doesn't stop me from hurting.

And I'm awful in situations like this -- my response is to run away.

Hence why I'm here.


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